you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize