I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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