I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
3pm strippers are depressing
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
