Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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