She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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