she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Two words: blizzard sex
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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