Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
