I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize