I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
