$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
