so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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