I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
