Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If its not for food we ain't going out.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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