she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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