Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
