I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
