She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
