smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
