I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
