lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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