took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
