Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
