Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
