You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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