It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
