oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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