I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
