my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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