I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
