Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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