Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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