It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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