apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
