the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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