I want you more than these girls want KFC
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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