3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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