brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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