why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
