There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
