He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
