I wish I could punch you in the face.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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