did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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