Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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