So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
