so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
