i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
