Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
