Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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