repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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