1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
