You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just invented taco cereal.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
