We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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