She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
