That reminds me...we need to get swords
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
