marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
