You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
