At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Boobs are out for the taking
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
