I want to have your abortion
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
