I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
