dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize