I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
