On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
