what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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