I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
