haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize