I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
