her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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