yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
