Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
