Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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