Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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