I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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