dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
