I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
