So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My balls are so social today.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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