How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
