It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
