soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
