I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize