He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
