I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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