I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize