i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize