You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
