This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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