Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
