did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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