i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
