I'm gonna have a badass scar
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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