HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
