im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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